Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Tipping the scale....

So when I woke up this morning the first thing I did was weight myself. Of course after I went potty because that's what everyone says to do. The scale I use is broken and it is off by like 10lbs I think. So although I was tipping the scale, I still had to add to it to get a better idea of what it actually is. Maybe I should let the lady at the doctor's office weigh me next time. Poor girl, I never let her and her charts are probably all messed up.

I woke up late this morning so I didn't eat breakfast. I know I's the most important meal of the day. Well, I would rather sleep. Work was better than yesterday. Definately made more money which is nice for bills coming up. I ate a cup of chicken noodle soup and a half of an egg salad sandwich for lunch. Blah!

Ang invited me to Quizzo tonight. I think it will be fun. Drinks and quiz questions to win money...AWESOME!! Lots of tempation coming my way. Drinks have tons of calories and all hell will break loose on my waist line if I eat any of that bar food. I hate sticking out though. I hate bieng the only girl at the table eating a salad while everyone else is chowing down on wings and burgers. Ugh.

I am saving this post and I will finish it tonight after Quizzo. I have to meet Dara to do the project for Techniques class.

Back. Well the project went good. Except for the billion mic checks that we had to do. Then it was off to Quizzo, after the fire alarm stopped going off in my apartment of course. I can't just leave Kanah because it hurts her ears.

Finally made it to quizzo and watched Her and Him all over the place. When I go out, I usually realize that I am alone and how much I long for that close connection with someone. To roll over in the middle of the night and have someone to hold you after a bad dream. I connect this to my weight. It could be because my self-esteem has been so low....but same thing I guess.

Nothing else right now, Happy reading, ACLove

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I started this blog because....

There are actually a few reasons why I decided to venture into the world of blogging. First being that I have always been considering it and my cousin's blog convinced me to start. I always thought about what I would say, what people will think, and if my trials and tribulations of life could possible benefit anyone else. I mean think about it, if just one person gets some kind of emotional comfort from my words I guess that is all I can ask for.

I am a 23 year old (female) full time graduate student living in the Philadelphia area. I am in a Masters program for psychology and my life is very very busy. I work during the day and then have classes at night. Soon I will be starting an internship and that just adds so much more stress.

My biggest issue in life recently is the massive amount of weight I have gained over the past several years but mostly what I topped it off with in the past year. It is a struggle everyday in my head. I argue with myself about what to eat and what not to eat, how I should get some exercise in, but how tired I am after a busy day. This is the inspiration for the title of my blog. I have never been a small girl, but never been a really big one either, until recent years. I am embarrassed to see old friends and meet new people.

I went to Atlantic City this past weekend with my friend Jess and she got all the male attention. I was the fat best friend that made these guys ask their friends just to "take one for the team". How embarrassing. I almost cried in my Redbull and Vodka.

I put on a brave front. Most people who know me don't know about the pain and low self-esteem that is boiling deep inside my being. The friends that I have are great people and I definately feel the love. My parents are great, when I get to see or talk to them. As for my younger sister, well let's just say that we have never been that close and that in itself is a hard matter to cope with. Who doesn't want to be close with their own siblings. It is supposed to be that person that you can tell anything to and will be there no matter what. I am that to her whether she believes it or not, however, I do not feel she is that for me.

Anyways, my life is crazy busy and a little depressing. I hope that people can lend advice and receive advice to and for this blog. I will try to type at least three times a week if not more if I have the time. I will write about my deep dark feelings and secrets, I am an open book. I will talk about my struggles to lose weight and find that special someone in life.

Happy reading, ACLove